Tag: writers are weird

Five Kicks in the Pants for Writers

March 13, 2017 / Rissa Renae

Alright, all you “I’ll be a writer some day” writers out there. It’s time for some tough love. Stop using the internet or a Netflix binge as an excuse for not writing and get writing! You know who you are. This is your kick in the pants.

1. It’s All Your Fault

No, really. Who decided to check Facebook? Who turned on the TV and went to Netflix? You. And if someone else turned it on, then leave the room. It’s no excuse. Turn off the TV, silence the Facebook notifications, and put down your phone. Heck, if you need to just disconnect from the internet because you still haven’t learned to be responsible, then do that! The only thing keeping you from writing is you.

Would Giorgio Tsoukalos lead you astray?

2. You’re Being a Lazyass

You don’t want to sit down and write? You’d rather binge watch Orange is the New Black on Netflix? Then who’s gonna write that novel? Because it sure as hell ain’t writing itself. Get off your butt, establish a quiet work space, get in the zone, and friggin’ write. A couch potato brain only wants to be fed. A writer’s brain wants to be the one supplying the food.

Go away. Too busy being lazy.

3. You Don’t Need the Internet for ‘Research’

Catching up on your YouTube feed, or stalking your idol on Instagram is not research. Lack of research is not keeping you from writing, you’re using it as an excuse. If you’re stuck on historical accuracy or can’t figure out the best way to dispose of a dismembered body, make a note and move on. Research should be saved for your actual down time, not for when you’re supposed to be immersed nose-deep in writing.

4. You Have No Imagination

This excuse is usually combined with one’s belief that they need the internet and television to survive. Your imagination won’t come forth if it’s held in a corner by funny cat gif’s and reruns of The Real Housewives. Go outside. Clean the kitchen. Lock yourself in a room. You have no imagination because you’ve frightened it into a corner by all the crap on the internet. Let the crap go and you’ll find your imagination will start peeking out to see if the coast is clear.

This coming from a talking sponge.

5. Stop Using Your Family as an Excuse

How many times have you used these excuses: I have to cook dinner. I have to help the kids with homework. I have to clean the house. I have to <insert activity to blame on the family> . Now, the single parent superhero aside, when dinner’s done, the homework’s worked, and the kids are in bed, you’d really rather scrub down the toilet than write? Or are you really just sitting on your rear end in front of the TV with your laptop tuned to Facebook? Who are you kidding here? Only yourself. Your family’s not the excuse, you are (see Point #1).

Are you still sitting on your bum reading this? Stop it! Get to writing, you lazy writer!

October 23, 2015 / Rissa Renae

Have you tried telling your friends you’re a writer? Have you had any luck with it? My experience has been hit-or-miss, so I thought I’d share! Sharing is nice, right? That, and it gave me the opportunity to wear a silly hat. Because, let’s face it: we writers, we know we’re weird!

Later!

– Rissa

Ten Things You’ll Hear When You Tell Friends You’re a Writer

October 22, 2015 / Rissa Renae

I want to be a lion tamer!

(As illustrated with gif’s. Cuz apparently that’s the hip thing to do)

Mention to someone you’re a computer programmer and no one bats an eye. Bus driver? Ah, no big deal. How about a professional lion tamer? Meh, I saw one at the circus last year. But mention you’re a writer and suddenly everyone has an opinion and an uninformed comment on your very passion.

Writers appear to be that niche interest that doesn’t qualify it’s pursuers as being contributing members of society. Likely when you tell someone you’re a writer, you’ll hear the following:

1. “So you write stories all day?”

Yeah that’s totally what I do, between the bus driving and the lion taming. Most indie writers still have full time jobs or attend college, you know.

2. “No, I mean, what’s your real job?”

Does writing have to be a job? You make it sound so tedious and unfulfilling. It’s a passion! It’s what gets me out of bed in the morning, aside from the fact that I have to get my butt to work on time.

3. “Oh how much does that make you? You pay your bills writing?”

I pay my bills the same way you do. It’s none of your cotton-pickin business how much I make.

4. “Well, I’ve always wanted to write a book too. But I’m just too busy with (insert super important thing here)”.

Hey I do those super important things too, like work, and pay my bills, and take care of my family too. You must not be very good at your super-special important whatever-the-hell you do if you don’t have time to pursue your dreams. Having a writing regimen is no different than having a workout regimen.

5. “Ah you must write under a pen name because I’ve never heard of you.”

Oh, so you’ve heard of the other 500,000 plus indie authors on Amazon and Barnes and Nobel then? Yeah, didn’t think so.

6. “My father’s brother’s nephew’s cousins’ former roommate knows a writer. He writes in this totally unrelated genre to you. You should ask him for advice.”

Thanks, but that’s what social media and the writers community is for. You wouldn’t take your car to a lawnmower repair shop now would you?

7. “When I retire and have nothing better to do with my time I think I’ll write a book.”

Don’t think I don’t see your passive aggressive attempt to put me down for wanting to be creative. You continue doing your own thing I’ll do mine. Far away. In the worlds I’ve created, cuz they’re so much better than your narrow-minded world.

8. “Oh hey. Could you proof read my resume and help me write a cover letter?”

Read the caption.

9. “Let me read your rough draft!”

Let me take a picture of you in your underwear rolling out of bed after a night out drinking. I’ll post it on Facebook, then we’ll call it a deal.

10. “No one reads nowadays.”

Well, I’m pretty certain in order to graduate elementary school, you have to know how to read. Just sayin’.

And just like that, ten of the most common things you will hear.

My work here is done.